English Jokes~来自爱情宝宝

1)
Mother:"I'm ashamed of you!Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
Son:"He threw a rock at me!So i threw one at him."
Mother:"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
Son:"What good would that have done?"
Mother:"My aim is much better than yours!"


2)
There were 3 men who had one wish each.
The 1st one said,"I want to be the cleverest man in the world."
Then he walked off and built a boat and sailed across the lake.
The 2nd one said,"I want to be even cleverer than him."
Then he walked off and built a ship and sailed across the lake.
The 3rd man said,"I want to be cleverer than both of them."
So he walked across the bridge.


3)
Teacher: Xinyi,do u know the numbers?
Xinyi: Yes, I do. My father taught me.
Teacher: Good!What comes after three?
Xinyi: Four
Teacher: What comes after six?
Xinyi: Seven
Teacher: Very good!Your dad did a good job!What comes after ten?
Xinyi: A jack


4)
It was the kindergarten teacher's birthday and the students decided that each of them will buy their teacher a gift.
The 1st boy whose parents owns a florist,gave her a present.
She held it and said,"I guess that is a flower."
the boy reply,"How did u know?"
She laughed n thanked the boy.
The 2nd boy whose parents own a candy store,gave her a present.
She held it and said,"I guess that is some candy."
The boy reply,"How did u know?"
She again laughed n thanked him.
Then a little girl whose parents own a bottle shop,gave her a box which was leaking.
The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
Then the teacher said,"Hmmm...is it wine?"
"No,"said the little girl. So the teacher tasted it again.
"Is it campagne?"the teacher asked.
"No,"said the little girl,"It's a puppy."

5)
A man was doing a door to door survey.He knocked on the door of a house and was greeted by a little boy.
The man asked the kid if anyone else was at home and the boy shook his head.
So, the man decide to try to get information he needed.
Man: May i please know your father's first name?
Boy: My father's name is Laughing.
Although the name surprises the man,the man still go on.
Man: And your mother's name?
Boy:Her name is Smiling.
Man: WAIT A MINUTE LITTLE BOY!ARE YOU KIDDING??!!
Boy: No, that's my sister. i'm Joking.

6)
A six year old boy keep telling his primary school teacher about the baby brother that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allow the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six year old was impressed but made no comment.
After that, he stop telling his teacher about the event.
The teacher sat the boy on her lap and said,
"Ah Boy,how is that baby brother that you were expecting at home?"
The boy burst into tears and said,"I THINK MOMMY ATE IT!"